Pregnancy Update: Week 11

We’ve made it to Week 11. Wow, looking back I can’t believe how fast the time has gone. At the beginning it felt like it would take forever to get here. It really goes to show just how relative time is.

Last week was tough. It wasn’t a bad week per se, just very trying. I spent most of the week feeling overwhelmed and really out of my depth. I was feeling extra sick and tired and I finally had to admit that I can’t do everything (a really huge step for me!) and have taken steps to ease up on the craziness.

This weekend was an exercise in sheer, indulgent laziness. I didn’t get out of my pajamas on Saturday. I spent the entire day on the couch watching So You Think You Can Dance? Reading and napping. It was amazing. Then on Sunday I went to go see The Fault in Our Stars with my sister and a friend. What an incredibly beautiful, charming, funny, tragic and heart breaking movie. There were so many feels and in hindsight, probably not the best thing to take a pregnant woman to see, but I really needed that good cry I had. I feel much better for it.

How far along? 11 weeks

Baby is the size of a: Fig!

Total weight gain/measurements: I feel bigger around the middle and heavier, but I haven’t measured myself yet

Maternity clothes: Still only one pair of leggings and three summer tops – because they were on sale, but nothing I’m wearing yet.

Stretch marks: Nope

Best moment this week: being super indulgent and reading an entire book on one day

Miss anything? I’m back to missing biltong. I think it’s because I can’t have any

Movement: Nothing yet

Food cravings: Anything that is loaded with carbs. And full cream Greek yogurt with honey and almonds. *rolls eyes in ecstasy*

Anything making you queasy or sick? I’m trying to eat more veggies even though they make me queasy. Baby needs them so I’m sacrificing

Gender: Nothing yet

Symptoms: Beside the usual suspects I have developed pelvic pain. It’s not too bad but if I sit too long or walk too much I get really achy right in my butt. It’s very annoying. I keep trying to remind myself to move around more during the day.

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On and feeling a little loose

Happy or moody most of the time: Last week I was very moody. I hope to be a bit happier this week. I miss my usual sunny disposition

Looking forward to:  We’re having a pancake sale at work this week and every time I see the posters my mouth starts to water! I’m really looking forward to all that pancake goodness. And also enjoying the good weather we’re having at the moment. Sunny and 20 degrees Celsius in July – it makes me happy.

 

 

 

When it rains it pours

I have always hated that expression, but nothing rings truer for me this year. It seems that everywhere I turn I come across stumbling blocks and dead ends.

This year is turning into an annus horribilis and I’m getting really emotionally drained from it.

First and foremost on my mind at the moment is the baby and the long wait we are facing to find out whether everything will be all right or if I will lose this pregnancy. I know that nothing I have done caused the problem we are facing, but the “what ifs” still play in my mind.

I am hoping beyond hope that everything will be fine, but we have been living with uncertainty for a while now and still have three long weeks to wait. Not to mention the high possibility of further testing and more waiting.

They tell you not to dwell on it, to continue on and be as healthy as possible, limit stress and try to relax. This is all very good advice, but it’s not an easy thing to put from your mind. The situation in and of itself is very stressful.

I also have a lot of stress at work at the moment. It’ s not something I’m willing to go into here, but there is a lot of pressure on my team at work to reach and maintain certain standards and that leaves me tired and anxious at the end of the day.

Then I’m trying to complete my honours this year and everything seems to be going wrong there too. On top of the pressure of submitting assignments on time and getting the work requirements done – not an easy task when you’re fighting pregnancy fatigue – I have had assignments disappear.

To top it all off, we had our car broken into last weekend. They stole my cellphone, my laptop, my husband’s iPad. We now are fighting with the insurance company to get this sorted out too.

To make a long story short I feel overwhelmed and very lost. I am exhausted mentally and physically and I am certain that a nervous breakdown is coming my way.

None of this leads to a calm nurturing environment filled with healing vibes for the baby – which has become by first priority.

I really need to take steps to lighten the load and this is high on my agenda for next week.

Getting dressed in the first trimester

I am what is normally considered a high maintenance person.

I like to look nice and spend a lot of time getting ready in the morning. I’m not a morning person at all, so planning is key to making sure my clothes look good. And then I spend a huge chunk of time putting my makeup and doing my hair.

For non-pregnant me. You see, pregnant me needs a forklift to get out of bed in the morning, hasn’t really done her make up in ages because it requires too much energy, my clothes are starting to get really tight and uncomfortable and no matter what I try, hiding the bloat is next to impossible!

You’d think the first trimester would be easy to handle in the wardrobe department. It makes sense to keep wearing what you’re used to right? Wrong!

Getting dressed has gone from an enjoyable morning ritual to pure torture. It doesn’t help that it’s mid-winter here in Johannesburg and we’re having an unpleasant one. Blegh!

So the past few weeks I have made the monumental effort of putting some effort into my appearance again. It just makes me feel better about myself. It helps that I’m starting to get a little bit of energy back and that I don’t feel sick in the mornings anymore (nope, just in the afternoons and just in time for dinner!)

So my objectives:

To look a little more put together.

To try and hide the bloat a bit

To wear clothes that don’t make me feel like I’ve been overstuffed or dig into my belly (This eliminates more than half my wardrobe!)

Here are a few outfits I’ve managed to put together to help in my quest. I have gone shopping recently for some leggings, pants with stretchy waistbands and some nice comfortable skirts. I need a few longer length tops, but we’re getting there.

Leggings – Makro, Cat knit – China Market, Motor cycle boots – Mr Price

Jogger pants – Mr Price, Oatmeal coloured jersey – Pick ‘ Pay, Extra large scarf – Rozanne and Pushkin, Black ankle boots – Woolworths

Jeans – Edgars, Grey knit – Pick ‘n Pay, Black Motorcycle boots – Mr Price

So the tips so far:

1. Jean are ok as long as they are low rise, have plenty of spandex and stretch, dark colours usually work best but if the fit is good go for it.

2. Leggings are made by the gods and can be worn as pants in extenuating circumstances (Such as pregnancy). Try to make sure your bum is always covered

3. Joggers are equally god like – loose, comfy, elasticated waistbands – what more could a girl as for? Con – they usually require heels to dress them up.

4. Body con skirts are great because you can roll the waistband down for comfort. Wear with sweatshirts for sports casual look or knits for dressier occasions.

5. Puffer waistcoats and chunky knits disguise a thicker middle.

Pregnancy Update: Week 10

Week 10 woo hoo! According to all the apps and websites I frequent, this one was a biggie. We have now moved from embryo to the foetus stage and our risk of miscarriage has dropped significantly. All good news in my book.

More good news? I seem to be feeling less sick and have even managed a few workouts. Not many mind you, but a few. It makes me feel better. Now if only I could eat vegetables again!

I did a rather intense workout on Saturday, which left me feeling stiff. It is insane how much my fitness has dropped. A few squats and my legs are killing me! Also hubby made me walk clear across a shopping mall at a fast clip (we were late and apparently I was dawdling). I was so out of breath I felt like I had run a marathon!

How far along? 10 weeks

Baby is the size of a: Date!

total weight gain/measurements: No change this week. Things are finally leveling out.

Maternity clothes: Still only one pair of leggings and three summer tops – because they were on sale, but nothing I’m wearing yet.

Stretch marks: Nope

Best moment this week: A great get together with our friends on Saturday night and buying a gas heater – our house feels like a fridge

Miss anything? I missed coffee a lot this week, but otherwise I feel like I’m doing ok.

Movement: Nothing yet

Food cravings: I finally got that chicken mayo and it was glorious! I’m back to craving eggs.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Not eating on time but on the whole I feel a lot better

Gender: Nothing yet

Symptoms: Fatigue, some queasiness, but it’s lessening, sore boobs, great hair and nails (these are symptoms I love btw) and some congestions.

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On and feeling a little loose

Happy or moody most of the time: I am still moody, but I feel like I’m getting happier. I think exercise helps a lot!

Looking forward to:  I’m going to see a movie with my friends next weekend and then we’ll probably have a braai. We’ll also be one week closer to our appointment

Look a belly shot and a tiny little gas baby bump!

 

Trying to stay positive

It’s such a frustrating phrase to hear, especially when you feel like your world is falling apart, but after a few days (or weeks) worth of throwing a pit party, there comes a time when you have to pick yourself up for your own sanity’s sake.

I think I’ve reached that point now. Life was by no means fun for quite a while, but I think I’m slowly coming to terms with it and have realized that if this baby is perfectly healthy I need to pick up the pieces and get on with my life. Wallowing doesn’t help anybody.

I have good days and bad days. Today is a good day. A few days ago, not so much. I start to think about what I would do if we were given the worst news possible. My hubby, and a good many people we have spoken to are of the opinion that if there’s something wrong we do the termination then try again. “You’re still young…” I’ve been getting that a lot.

It makes me want to scream. So what if I’m still young? This is my child and throwing it away because it doesn’t suit me is a thought I cannot get past.

How does one just say, “Oh well, we gave it a shot, onto the next one…” I hate this and I hate have to think these things and I hate that we are faced with this.

So I keep telling myself that everything will be fine, rub my belly and try to think about other things. The scan is in three weeks from today and hopefully we will get a lot more insight. It’s the not in control, I don’t know what’s happening feeling that I hate the most.

So I’m making efforts to control what I can. I am being as healthy as possible. I still haven’t gotten to the gym, I’m normally way too tired in the evenings. All I want to do is collapse and sleep. I hope to start feeling better soon and then the gym is high on my priority list. Until then I’m eating well, taking my pills every day, getting enough sleep and enough water and spending time with people who make me feel better.

I live in hope that everything will be fine when next we see the little munchkin.

I’m sorry if this post was a little rambly, I had a lot on my mind today.

Pregnancy Update: Week 9

Another week down and another week to go until our scan. When we were told we had to wait six weeks for more information on how our baby was doing I felt it was so long to go. Now we’re halfway there and its getting closer.

I am both excited and apprehensive. I am looking forward to seeing the baby and I have fingers crossed we will get good news, but at the same time I am terrified all won’t be right and this is an outcome I don’t even want to contemplate.

It was a long weekend here in South Africa last week, and hubby and I got to head out of the city for a few days. It was just what we needed. We got to enjoy the amazing Mpumalanga sunshine (such a change from frigid Joburg.) we saw some awesome animals in the Kruger Park. It was good for the soul. 

How far along? 9 weeks

Baby is the size of a: Grape!

Total weight gain/measurements: I’m up by two kilos, but I was much lighter than I normally am when I found out I was pregnant. This is my usual pre-pregnancy (58kg) weight now, so I’m not concerned

Maternity clothes: I bought a pair of maternity leggings and they are life changing. Still a bit big for me, they are one of the few items in my cupboard that don’t make be feel like I’ve been stuffed into them. I’m sure I’ll be fitting into them soon

Stretch marks: No not yet

Best moment this week: Sitting and relaxing on the deck enjoying the sunshine while the river flows by. Also seeing a leopard!

Miss anything? Biltong. I miss biltong *sigh* (for those not from South Africa this is a South African preserved meat, usually beef, but game is also delicious – its similar to jerky but way more amazing)

Movement: Nothing yet

Food cravings: Still chicken mayo. If I think about it I want to eat it

Anything making you queasy or sick? Red meat and bacon – the joke was the baby was a vegan, but now the baby doesn’t want veggies either

Gender: Nothing yet

Symptoms: My back kills me by the end of the day. Its really painful and nothing I do gives me relief. My boobs are feeling better, still sore and very firm, but nor quite as tender. I’m also still really tired.

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On and feeling a little loose

Happy or moody most of the time: I am pretty moody and I think it’s because I’m so tired. It seems to make everything worse.

Looking forward to:  Seeing our friends this weekend, and pay day 😉

 

Pregnancy update: week 8

Belgh! I am getting over this queasy, hungover feeling really quickly. I am so ready for the first trimester to be over and to get back to feeling semi-human again. If I could go through a couple of days without feeling sick to my stomach I will be very happy.

That said I’m still really lucky because I haven’t actually thrown up yet, I can still eat most things, but I feel ill within minutes again. The only thing that makes me feel remotely full and can ward off the nausea for a while is carbs. I can’t even face veggies at the moment. At dinner the other night I was happily eating along when I put a baby marrow in my mouth I wanted to puke. I couldn’t eat the rest of my food.

I’m also still really tired. I sleep and sleep and all I want is more sleep. Weekend activities are almost completely beyond me. If I’m not in bed by 10pm I’m a complete emotional mess.

Speaking of emotions they seem to be way nearer to the surface than usual. Last week was a hard week, but I feel completely wrung out. Still everyday we get through and each day closer to our next scan feels like a small victory and I’m taking as many of those as I can get!

 

How far along? 8 weeks

Baby is the size of a: Raspberry

Total weight gain/measurements: I didn’t weigh myself last week, there was just too much going on.

Maternity clothes: Nope not yet, but I am down to just three pairs of jeans that still fit and some leggings and joggers. Not ideal when Joburg is in the middle of winter and there is cold front after cold front coming our way.

Stretch marks: No not yet

Best moment this week: Celebrating my sister’s birthday with her and getting to spend time on the couch with my hubby and cats

Miss anything? Not feeling sick all the time and being able to eat properly

Movement: Nothing yet

Food cravings: I have wanted a toasted chicken mayo for days now. I think I may just cause someone bodily harm if I don’t get soon

Anything making you queasy or sick? Red meat and bacon – the joke was the baby was a vegan, but now the baby doesn’t want veggies either L

Gender: Nothing yet

Symptoms: Sore boobs, extreme fatigue, achy back, nausea, general moodiness and very emotional

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or moody most of the time: I am pretty moody and I think it’s because I’m so tired. It seems to make everything worse.

Looking forward to:  Having the day off on Wednesday. I feel like I need it!

 

Things are not going according to plan

Sorry for being so quite recently. We have just run into a bit of a stumbling block and I’m still trying to get over it.

Everything in my pregnancy has been going wonderfully. My nausea and fatigue have been escalating, but that’s all normal and to be expected I have been told. Last week past in a bit of a blur. I was really busy at work and feeling more than a little zombie-esque, but ultimately happy.

I was supposed to have my first scan on Friday, but my doctor postponed to Monday. The morning did not to get off to the greatest start, but I was still excited to see my baby on the monitor and talk to the doctor.

Hubby and I excitedly arrived at the hospital eager to meet the doctor and get a better handle on what is going on inside my body. She is a wonderful woman and I liked her right off the bat. She asked me all the routine questions about family healthy, my health, how I’ve been doing up until now and more.

She checked my blood work and saw my HcG levels were really high and asked me if there were twins in my family – we have a lot of twins and I have had this feeling that there may be two babies in here *pats tummy*.

I then had to get undressed, lie on the table and have the physical exam done. Then we finally, finally got to the scan.

The black screen took on a whitish cast and there in the centre was a little bean with a strong beating heart. It was one of the most amazing moments of my life. Only one bean though and a very concerned looking doctor. That’s when I realised that something wasn’t right.

To cut a long story short there may be something wrong with the baby. My gestational sac is measuring twice the size of the baby (10 weeks and one day compared to six weeks and six days.) Also there is a black “bubble” (doctor’s words) at the back of the baby behind the heart. These factors along with the high HcG levels could indicate a chromosomal problem – most likely Down Syndrome or Turner’s Syndrome.

The doctor even mentioned the word termination – how awful is that word. I can’t bear it.

It’s still surreal. I keep thinking how can this possible be happening to me? I’m young, I’m healthy, I have no history of this and neither does my husband. It’s so out of left field. The only solution that makes sense to me is either this so vanishing twin syndrome and the other baby has disappeared which is why the sac is large and my HcG levels high, or that the other baby is in there hiding and we just didn’t see it. I have seen on different forums that this is possible.

There is also the remote possibility that this could be a developmental anomaly and that it will resolve itself, but the doctor didn’t look to optimistic.

So there is basically nothing we can do except wait for our next appointment, which is 9 July. We will then be seen by a specialist in chromosomal abnormalities.

Needless to say I have cried a lot. I’m pretty sure before all this is over I will cry a whole lot more. I can’t actually fathom that this is the situation I find myself in. I don’t want to be self-indulgent and all ‘woe-is-me’ but it really hurts that other, older people are having perfectly healthy babies and I seem to be unable to. I’m terrified that if this does end in termination then will I ever be able to conceive a healthy child? If this happened once what is the likelihood of it happening again?

I’m finding it incredibly hard to find and hold onto some optimism at the moment.