Trying to stay positive

It’s such a frustrating phrase to hear, especially when you feel like your world is falling apart, but after a few days (or weeks) worth of throwing a pit party, there comes a time when you have to pick yourself up for your own sanity’s sake.

I think I’ve reached that point now. Life was by no means fun for quite a while, but I think I’m slowly coming to terms with it and have realized that if this baby is perfectly healthy I need to pick up the pieces and get on with my life. Wallowing doesn’t help anybody.

I have good days and bad days. Today is a good day. A few days ago, not so much. I start to think about what I would do if we were given the worst news possible. My hubby, and a good many people we have spoken to are of the opinion that if there’s something wrong we do the termination then try again. “You’re still young…” I’ve been getting that a lot.

It makes me want to scream. So what if I’m still young? This is my child and throwing it away because it doesn’t suit me is a thought I cannot get past.

How does one just say, “Oh well, we gave it a shot, onto the next one…” I hate this and I hate have to think these things and I hate that we are faced with this.

So I keep telling myself that everything will be fine, rub my belly and try to think about other things. The scan is in three weeks from today and hopefully we will get a lot more insight. It’s the not in control, I don’t know what’s happening feeling that I hate the most.

So I’m making efforts to control what I can. I am being as healthy as possible. I still haven’t gotten to the gym, I’m normally way too tired in the evenings. All I want to do is collapse and sleep. I hope to start feeling better soon and then the gym is high on my priority list. Until then I’m eating well, taking my pills every day, getting enough sleep and enough water and spending time with people who make me feel better.

I live in hope that everything will be fine when next we see the little munchkin.

I’m sorry if this post was a little rambly, I had a lot on my mind today.

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