I have always hated that expression, but nothing rings truer for me this year. It seems that everywhere I turn I come across stumbling blocks and dead ends.
This year is turning into an annus horribilis and I’m getting really emotionally drained from it.
First and foremost on my mind at the moment is the baby and the long wait we are facing to find out whether everything will be all right or if I will lose this pregnancy. I know that nothing I have done caused the problem we are facing, but the “what ifs” still play in my mind.
I am hoping beyond hope that everything will be fine, but we have been living with uncertainty for a while now and still have three long weeks to wait. Not to mention the high possibility of further testing and more waiting.
They tell you not to dwell on it, to continue on and be as healthy as possible, limit stress and try to relax. This is all very good advice, but it’s not an easy thing to put from your mind. The situation in and of itself is very stressful.
I also have a lot of stress at work at the moment. It’ s not something I’m willing to go into here, but there is a lot of pressure on my team at work to reach and maintain certain standards and that leaves me tired and anxious at the end of the day.
Then I’m trying to complete my honours this year and everything seems to be going wrong there too. On top of the pressure of submitting assignments on time and getting the work requirements done – not an easy task when you’re fighting pregnancy fatigue – I have had assignments disappear.
To top it all off, we had our car broken into last weekend. They stole my cellphone, my laptop, my husband’s iPad. We now are fighting with the insurance company to get this sorted out too.
To make a long story short I feel overwhelmed and very lost. I am exhausted mentally and physically and I am certain that a nervous breakdown is coming my way.
None of this leads to a calm nurturing environment filled with healing vibes for the baby – which has become by first priority.
I really need to take steps to lighten the load and this is high on my agenda for next week.