So I am officially in the middle of my first two week wait. I see know why this experience is so nerve wracking.
You end up obsessing about every little thing, talking yourself down from things and swinging all over the place emotionally. I am trying really hard to be rational about it all. I ‘m young, I have time; if it doesn’t happen this month we will try again.
That said I have had a headache for three days straight, am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open (Yesterday was a public holiday in South Africa – I had a two hour nap during the day and was in bed and asleep by 9.30 that night, I slept straight through to 7.30am. Normally naps during the day mean I battle to sleep at night.)
I was also remarkably nauseous on Wednesday and have been so hungry for the past three days.
The annoying part is: there is a perfectly rational explanation for all these ‘symptoms’. I have been really stressed at work, we’re heading into to the winter months and I always get hungrier with seasonal change and so on and so forth.
So I have been on a maddeningly emotional see-saw and quite frankly I’m ready for it to be done now. The thought of doing this again is exhausting. How do women go through this every month for years?
I was talking with my husband about it yesterday. I am either pregnant or getting sick and I just want an answer now so I can move on with my life because there is nothing worse than not knowing why you feel crappy.
Now here’s the catch – I don’t feel sick. There are no flu or cold like symptoms hanging around (aside from a short-lived bout of nausea which could have been low blood sugar) to make me think that I’m coming down with something.
But this persistent fatigue – so tired I want to cry fatigue – is not normal for me. I have this tiny seed of hope that it could be more than stress and at the same time I don’t want to allow myself to believe it and then I’m disappointed at the end of the cycle.
See? Exhausting right. Well, there’s nothing to do but wait it out. I think I’ll go have a nap while I do…